Thursday, August 18, 2011

Slacking...

"Study of pansies in their bed" by Hilary J England, oil on canvas, 8" x 10"


I know I've been slacking lately on my posts, and for that I do apologize.  I have personal stuff going on so I am pretty stressed out. 

Usually, I find solace in painting, but lately, its been like I have ADHD or something.  I find it hard to concentrate on anything, and sleeping is the only time my mind stops spinning and turning, when I can grab some.

I am plodding along doing what I have to do, albeit slowly.  I seem to have no heart for anything lately, but I know it will pass...I do feel a bit of hope that I didn't feel initially; maybe its just the support of some good friends that has me cheered up, and that is certainly a blessing!!

I am working my way through my big piece that I'm creating right now, with several other smaller pieces languishing on their respective easels in varying stages of development...that in itself makes me depressed.  I'm not used to struggling with this kind of a "block," and its one of the toughest things I've wrestled with lately.  All of the problems that are going on seem to have all fallen down at once, kind of "kicking my knees out" from under me.  Perhaps I'll just sit on the ground awhile...or, maybe not.  I'm not the kind to sit around and grow moss ;-).

So, I'm going to push myself to finish what I've started...I have to for my own peace of mind.  I have shows coming up, and deadlines to meet, and languishing is not an option. 

To my friends that have sent me private messages and have been there for the last few weeks through this stress, thank you, God bless you, and I love you for your friendship and kindness.  I only hope that I can be there for you as well as you are for me if you ever have need....

So, I can blow up the image of my own "good" life LOL.  Nothing is ever perfect, not people, not places, not things.  And not me.  But, recognizing that, I can move on without animosity or anger, knowing that in the end, everything works itself out...I look forward to a new chapter in my life, hopefully I'm a bit wiser, and will learn from my own mistakes this time around.

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