Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Wishful thinking

"Wishful thinking" by Hilary J England, oil on canvas, 8" x 10" 2014   

This is not the painting I did today, it was from the other night, in the snowy night, in my studio, and I was thoroughly disgusted with the weather and life in general, so I began to dream of where I wanted to be, and that's when I painted that little painting.  I also trashed most of my studio in the hunt for Titanium white, because I have tubes of it, and not being able to find one was the final straw and I just snapped.

Today was a lovely day, and I trekked out to Tuscarora, where I found a nice little patch of air to paint in, and initially it felt wonderful...but after a few hours, the clouds came, and the wind came, and it was almost like an April Fool's joke on me, after I became chilled, I decided enough was enough, and that was that.  I still can't shake the depression of this Winter off...the angst is really entrenched.  I feel deeply frustrated at what I don't know, but it's there, and I can't pinpoint it, can't assuage it, can dissuade it, can't shake loose of it, and I'm angry and tired about it.  Maybe it's everything in general, or maybe something more, but at this point, I don't really care much, because I've dealt with this monster my entire life, and I will move through it. Another day or so with the sun on my face and a nice soft breeze through my hair, and I will begin to thaw....

So, enjoy my little fantasy painting.  Tomorrow I will post the one from Tuscarora...after I get motivated to photo it...

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