Saturday, March 14, 2015

Hopeful Spring



"Broken logs and wildflowers" by Hilary J. England
8" x 11" oil on canvas

Here is a painting from last summer that I never posted.  When I came back from Romania, within a week, it was like I felt completely annihilated...as if all of the stress of the last two years finally caught up with me.  It was like running down a train track and stopping for a breather, and then, well, you know. 
All of the tumult finally came down like a ton of bricks on me...the move, the injury, the deaths, the birth, Noelle's  and my Dad's health breakdowns, all of it....like someone dropped the boom on me.  It was like my mind just short-circuited, and went into a protective cocoon, and there it stayed for the last several months, refusing to think of anything at all outside the moment I was in.  Although I did work a good deal, I didn't remain very faithful in updating most of anything, and to be honest, I just didn't care.  It was like being a feather floating on a breeze...and I was oblivious...not blissfully, just mind-numbingly.  It was like teetering on the edge of a great precipice...calmly, not frantically, or fearfully, just sitting there.  Romania didn't do it in itself...I think the trip  was wonderful, it just seemed to open some kind of mental "Pandora's box" when I let my guard down, and all mental hell broke loose inside the fragile ecosystem of my mind, and the balancing act I was maintaining in there.  It was unavoidable I suppose.  Too much happened in too short a span of time, and my way of dealing with painful things is putting each issue and event into it's own little compartment, and dealing with it later if at all...hopefully I can outrun it, and leave it behind permanently.  Some things just can't be outrun. Not a healthy system, but there it is.

I initially had made up my mind to just fulfill some obligations like the Dacia show, and some commissions, and that was that...I had no idea of anything, just that maybe I would take off on the breeze as well.  But, as I began to "come to," and trust me, this winter was no help whatsoever, with the endless procession of snow and ice storms, my senses started to slowly return, like a person waking up from a very long sleep.  I decided to confront these hidden cataclysms, and work through them, and move on.  I'm still doing that, but I feel very optimistic that 2015 will continue on to be a most productive and positive year.  With that in mind, I decided to go on to the India artist's residency, and see what new and wonderful marvels India has for my artistic journey.  After all, new experiences are truly my core addiction...I am a travel junkie, and I make no apologies on that account.  I may not smoke or have more insidious vices, but I sure do love to travel!!! So, I am most happily looking forward to India.

And, in the meantime, here is one of the many little paintings that I never posted.  It reminds me of the warm weather to come! ~Enjoy.

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