Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Blank

I have so much to say...let out of the hospital this weekend...but don't know if I can be OK.  Heart is "good", everything is "good,"  except, except, Probably not.   My heart is "touchy."  It's arrogant, and willful.  Like me.  It tries to rule and dictate, but it has a big argument...Me.   It tried, and it was a stalemate.  I can assimilate everything...so I thought...but, the hideousness of everything whiplashed me.  It came back and hit me in the back end...it tried to overwhelm me.  NO.   Wrapped up..alone...can I be hurt?  Yes...so immensely.  "It's the stars that lie to you.  I'm looking at you through the glass, don't know how much time has passed....all I know is that it feels like forever..." 

What happened to you?  You know...I don't.  It doesn't matter.  I'm carrying a torch in a world that SUPPOSEDLY becomes less real, because of the ugly, cowardly reality.  I SEE the truth.  I'm NOT a liar, I love...I LOVE so deeply....so deeply...too deeply...deeply enough to kill me.  My beautiful family knows this, sees this, fears this.  They mobilize to be my friend and recall lovely memories..

Paintings, exhibitions, travel...I move forward despite my treacherous self..my nature that fights against me...that is insistent in decimating me....

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