|"The wall at Stonehedge" by Hilary J. England 8" x 11" oil on canvas|
I should have been happy, I should have been ecstatic, I should have been grateful, but I was on guard against contrite thoughts. I have been feeling blue...which is hard and seemingly surreal, when the day is blazing in its perfect glory all around me.
I looked out at the algae filled ponds, at the little family of Canadian geese, and for just an instant, I was catapulted back in time...to Mickley Road, and Gab was a baby...and the world was still beautiful and new, with all of the promises and happiness yet to be. It was both wonderful and awful all in the same instant, and then almost immediately gone...and I was left hollow, with the sunlight streaming into my eyes, like a visitor on an alien planet. I packed up and left then...hastily signing the painting, and looking to outrun the melancholy.
I'm home now, obviously. Tonight is M's birthday, so I will lumber along with him, put my game face on, and just wait for the reprieve of sleep....