|"Ominous" by Hilary J. England, 11" x 14" oil on canvas, 2016|
It's been a long and horrible month. I'm going to get very personal here since this is a very personal painting. I suppose I could just let you all "wonder" at the story behind it, or where it originated from. Did I go scope out some strange little child alone and naked on a lakeshore, and start painting her?. LOL, no. This painting is just my personal "story" of the situation I am dealing with. My Dad nearly died after a bout of pneumonia this month, and the toll of that episode wiped me out more than I realized or anticipated. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't relax or concentrate, and the days just slipped by with me not realizing anything at all, just feeling like crap, and there being zero I could do to correct it, or move through it. Dad's still fighting to recover, and for that I am grateful, but the anguish of watching his suffering had really left me in a deep depression.
I painted this little painting today, to try and move through this funk I'm in. I realized that Dad's illness stripped away everything in my life, to when I was a little child, and I was terrified of the unknown. I remember standing on the age of a lake, looking at the water, feeling anxious and afraid, not knowing what was in there and if it would swallow me up.
So, here was my psychological therapy for the day. I don't usually do paintings "from my head", but this one was different, because I really needed to try and work out all of the struggles I was dealing with, and this helped me. Didn't "fix" everything, but it helped.