Tenderness

"Isaac" start of portrait, 7/2/2013

I started working on Isaac's portrait today...posthumous paintings are always hard, both from a technical and emotional standpoint, especially this one, one of a person that was so young, one that was so close to us.  I knew this was going to be a heartbreaker, so I kind of avoided doing it, and I just knew, I can't avoid it any longer.

I cried the entire time I did the foundation of the painting.  How could this have happened?  The question that just never can be answered still reverberates in my mind.   He left so many heartbroken people behind.  Yes, he left as a "heartbreaker."  He would have felt  a little smug and proud to know so many women had their hearts broken, but not in a mean way, he was always a "ladies man," haha.  But, he was a little boy in his heart.  I wept as I draw the curve of his nose, exactly like Maddie's, the big eyes, just like all of his precious children.  The thought pains me so deeply of how with his sudden departure he left Gabby so lost, his Mother looking for him in every corner, every glimpse, every young man that walks by, Bronson asking "Where's Daddy?"

I know this painting will help me to work through some of the pain I have for his death, some, not all.  It is therapeutic for me, as I communicate with him through the process.  I hope the finished painting will bring joy to his Mom, and to the other loving family and friends that were devastated by his loss.