Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Memorial Day Weekend and remembering...

Memorial Day...somehow you can't see it as anything but synonymous with sunny days, barbeques, and the kick off to summer...even though the meaning is a more reflective, solemn day, a day for remembering our fallen soldiers.

When I think of Memorial Day, and the soldiers who paid the ultimate price for our freedom, and I say a quiet prayer for their bravery, and marvel at their courage.  In the face of annihilation, they still took action...thank you for your service, and for laying your lives down for your fellow countrymen, and for the future of all of our children.

Memorial Day was a very sad one for us.  No, we were not personally reflecting on a lost soldier, but, we dealt with a completely different sadness...my young daughter's little boyfriend committed suicide on Sunday night.  He was only 15 years old...it makes me cry to even write this.

What would make such a beautiful young man do this hideous thing to himself??  It was completely out of left field...he was an A student, a track star, and had many friends.  He was gentle, quiet and polite.  We were very happy that our daughter had picked this young man to be her friend, as he seemed genuinely on his way to having a bright and happy future.  All of that ended with a single self-inflicted gun shot wound.

My daughter is devastated.  My heart breaks for her, watching her 15 year old mind try to make sense of something that even our adult minds cannot.  Why did he do it?  Why didn't he tell anyone he was hurting?  He had been bullied by a group of boys that day, and he was beaten up, and made fun of...was that enough of a reason to take his own life?  Noelle cried and cried, going over all of  Sunday's hours and events...wondering where she could have seen something, helped him, intervened...even a few hours before his death, he was supposed to come visit, and he never showed up.  He turned off his phone.  A few hours later, he was dead.

His older brother found him after hearing the gunshot.  His parents are inconsolable, as is his older sister...this type of death, I feel, is the hardest death of all...leaving everyone who knew him bitter with regret...what could we have done??   We'll never have those answers in this lifetime.

I tried to console Noelle as best as I could.  Matt made a very bad choice, but God loves him still.  He is in a place of peace and love, where no one can ever hurt him again.

She cried and looked at me and said, "I can't believe that I'm never going to see him again in this life.  In a year, I will be older than him.  One day, when I'm your age, he will still be 15."  Yes, it's a terrible, sad reality, what's left of shattered hearts in the wake of a suicide.

R.I.P.  Matthew...sweet baby boy. 

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