Purple pansy by the tree

"Purple pansy by the tree" by Hilary J. England

Oil on canvas, 8" X 10", 2016

I've been working a lot lately, but I have been feeling a bit down.  I have had some personal situations that are very stressing, and that affects me deeply.  I have someone very close to me who is desperately ill, perhaps in the end stages of life, and it drains me inch by inch watching this process.  I want so much to help, and to make it stop, to make it better, make it go away, and I can't.  I want so much to protect them from this, to keep them with me, and I see the disconnect beginning...when they begin to ever so slightly disconnect from this earth, and you can feel it, in your soul.  It's a hard perception to explain, but to anyone who has ever been around a terminally ill person, someone they were very close to, and went through this process, you will understand what I am saying.  I don't know how many days or months we have, I just know the process has begun, and my heart quivers in my chest at the idea of what is to come.

Many days I feel like I'm in a holding pattern -- so grateful for the love we have now, but not knowing what's ahead.  It's the oddest feeling, like being in limbo, and you still must go about your life, but it's like sleepwalking...you go through the motions, but your mind is switched off.  It's always somewhere else, no matter how conscious or focused you are on the task at hand.

I have been looking for peaceful little scenes that speak to my heart, and yet, are still challenging to recreate.  I did this one in town, again, while I was out wandering around after hitting the gym.  I was hungry, so I sat down to eat my almonds, and I noticed these little flowers.  I went back to them later on in the day, and the light and shadow was more dramatic, and that made me happy to work there.

I feel more connected to the Old Masters when I work outside these days.  I think of their joy at the beauty they were able to view and capture, and also all the pain of life on this earth, and how they assimilated the good and the bad into their work, to make something beautiful from the ashes.  I admire that persistence in the face of adversity, and it gives me pause to think about my own work.  If the sadness was too large, would I stop working?  What then?  Where would it manifest itself?  I'd probably end up a drunk face down in the gutter.  No, this is the healthier way to move through these painful events.

Enjoy~

Flowers in shade

"Flowers in shade" by Hilary J. England

Oil on canvas, 8" x 10" 2016

It was a scorcher today.  I wasn't prepared for it, even being forewarned by the Weather Channel, but somehow, going from losing tomatoes last week due to frost -- to 95 degrees, just seemed ludicrous.  And it is!  So, I went lumbering and sweating around town, like a bulldog in the heat, until I came upon this scene.

I found a wonderful little spot of shade, and the diversity of flowers and greens, warm and cool, was very captivating to me.  I sat there drinking it in, thinking back to my childhood, and I could hear the laughter and wonder within, and still picture that when I left, the sprites would come out of hiding and be about their business again.  It was enchanting.  And I probably baked my brain earlier in the sun hahahahaha.

This painting took a little time, because I wanted to make sure the balance of cool and warm greens was not lost in the translation.  There was a quiet energy to this place, even though the breeze only stirred the new leaves here and there, I felt the vibrancy of it as I painted.  It was just a wonderful little scene to capture.

~Enjoy!

Nice, day 10

"Un chien" by Hilary J. England, 8" x 11" oil on hardwood panel

It's dawned to be a very nice day.  I hear that we are suffering a heat wave across the pond in the USA, but here, the temps have been holding steady in the mid 80s, the problem is it has become overcast, so the weather has become humid and sticky, which is rather uncomfortable.

I am sitting on my terrace, drinking coffee, and mulling over what I want to accomplish today.  I began working on ideas for the bigger painting, and I'm debating whether to to stay in and work on that today?  Actually, I'm feeling a bit "stir crazy" after yesterday's long work hours both indoor and out, so I'm thinking first things first, a very long walk along the shore.  Then, I'm definitely meeting up with some of the locals that invited me out for coffee tonight, so maybe I will take a bus into Antibes in the inbetween, and save the work on the big painting for tomorrow. I think that sounds like a plan.

I worked on this painting "Un chien" in the nice cool of an alley way in the backstreets of some little village we went through called "Biot."  Apparently, there is a great deal of Crusader/Templar history here, and that is very tantalizing and appealing to me.  I couldn't resist the ancient alleys and quiet corridors, and of course, the mousy, brown, little mutt of a dog just roaming about on his own.  Very old school, haha.  I feel completely at home and connected with these ancient villages...like being on a soul journey back in time to where we came from, and directly visiting the villages and towns our ancestors lived and walked and played and died in.

So, that is the sum of these middle days here.  I am still working at a furious pace, and would like to even step it up further, if I can.  I haven't been sleeping too well, since the bed is very lumpy, and my back and neck are starting to protest this (lucky I have a good supply of Ibuprofen gelcaps!).  I have resorted to pulling the window barricade down to prevent the sun in the morning, and also sleeping in the opposite direction from the foot of the bed (seems less lumpy cause it gets "less traffic").  Other than that, I am very motivated to complete the mission I am here for.  Now, off for another day of work, sweat, and intrigue.

Nice, day 9

"Flowers of Cap Ferrat" by Hilary J. England, 8" x 11" oil on hardwood panel

The weather is very nice today.  In the low 80s with a very nice breeze, and now overcast, so it makes for excellent working conditions.  I woke up early and was able to get out and about, and hope to complete another painting before the day is out.

No beach for me today, strictly work, but that is good.  The old saying about "making hay" is a worthy one, so I have no problems working through into the night tonight, and returning to the isolation of my room to plot out tomorrow's work adventure.

This painting is called "Flowers of Cap Ferrat."  What more can I say, this place is surreal in it's beauty.  Magnificent, Stupendous, Dazzling.  There aren't enough adjectives.  I am looking forward to more painting, so I must get moving out the door.  Enjoy!!

Getting back into the groove...

"Study of marigolds in a ceramic jar" by Hilary J. England, 2011, 8" x 11" oil on canvas

I haven't been painting much lately, sadly.  I feel like I spend all of my time in hospitals for the last year or so.  This got me down, really down.  It was an effort to even get the basic things done around me, such as getting out of bed after a while, when I would lay there and see my afternoon filled with shuttling kids around to Dr appointments, between Anthony and Noelle.  But, after a couple of weeks of feeling down, the Spring won out, and I picked up my brushes, dusted them and myself off,  and got back to work.

The weather went from 50 to 80 in nearly a day, so the air conditioners will need to be put in soon.  This makes me a little frustrated because that small window of time, perhaps two weeks, (which when I was a kid used to be the entire Spring season) that we all have between freezing temps and blistering heat,  has now passed in the middle of my turmoil, and that was a very productive time for me, because it was one of the only times of year (a few weeks in the Autumn as well) that my studio was completely and blissfully comfortable in terms of temperature.  Now I will have to start sweating it out in there.  Yuck.

Ah well.  I can only go to work and be thankful I actually have a studio nowadays.  For years, I put all three kids into a bedroom, with bunk beds and a crib, and used the other bedroom as my "studio."  Mean?  Not really.  Even after we bought a big house a few years later, when they were young kids and not babies anymore, and they all had their own bedrooms, they still all wound up sleeping in one room anyway.  Funny how that is!

So, enjoy the little study I did of the marigolds.  I had to start somewhere, and I find that painting flowers sometimes is very soothing, because of their texture, and their quiet, transient beauty.  Plus, smelling them is always a bonus!

Sniffling in the cold...

I've been outside, sneezing and sniffling with what must be a cold...but, hey, at least I got to get some photos done, since it is only sub Artic versus Artic today....

This painting is called:  "Past their prime" and it is 12" by 16" oil on canvas.  This was done in studio of course, and there will be another four florals to come along, so I'm thinking right now.  This, of course, is subject to change!