School days are here again!

"Happy cows in the farm field" by Hilary J. England
8" x 10" oil on canvas, 2013

 School has started, and I am thankful for that. As much as I loved spending my summer with my little sweetheart Madeleine, the summer was a stressful time, waiting for the arrival of our new baby little Isaac, and all of the other tests we were put to. Now, it's time to relax and get back into the routine and rhythm of things, as much as possible.

 Anthony is a college freshman, Noelle is a high school senior, Maddie is in first grade, and Bronnie is a preschooler! The whole gang is on the path to educational enlightenment! I have started to plant our Autumn garden with Anthony's assistance.

 We put up our birdfeeders, and are planting lettuces, cabbage, brussel sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower and beets. I am looking forward to growing the garden, because it is such a soothing hobby to me, even with my bad back.  I enjoy growing (I let Anthony do all of the muscle work haha), and then taking that produce and preserving it by canning or other methods. The Fall is such a relaxing season, with so many cool evenings and lovely and colorful days to look forward to.

 So, here is one of the end of Summer paintings, of some relaxed cows hanging in the farm field. The sky was so blue, and the cows looked very serene in their pasture. Enjoy~

Back to school!

So, summer is winding down, and what a summer it was. I am sitting here in the cancer center with Mark, as he starts a new round of different treatment. The folfirinox was status quo, so now he will start with Gemzar and abraxane, and we hope for better results. The center is lavish and swank, and the nurses are very pleasant. It's almost like being in a spa, except with a dark reason for being here instead of just looking to refresh and relax. But, we try to move on. I have been operating on about three hours of sleep a night, with Gabby and the babies staying for several nights, and the gaggle of teenagers and young adults coming in and out at late hours, so I am so thankful for school starting on Monday! Anthony started college last Monday, and that was stressful as well, but, God is good, and Anthony actually got paid to go to school, with his grants and scholarships, he had over $1,100 left over with NO loans, and that money was used to purchase his textbooks and supplies, as he is living at home. He is very blessed that the campus is literally five minutes from our house, and he also has an amazing schedule of Monday thru Thursday, 9:30 a.m. to 1:45 p.m. straight through, and taking 15 credits a semester. Baby Isaac arrived safely, and that is a huge weight off my shoulders, and although this summer was extremely tense and difficult with all that was going on, I had the wonderful privilege of spending it with Maddie, and those memories are so precious to me. We have had all sorts of other annoying issues that seem to irritate us all when we least need it, but that is life I suppose. I am just grateful for the good things in my life, which is the people who I love, and look forward to things leveling back out to some degree and semblance of my previous routine, in the next week or two. Again, God is good, and I am just thankful for knowing that.

Scent of Fall

"Twilight with wildflowers"
8" x 10" oil on canvas 2013

Summer is rapidly coming to a close.  Anthony starts college next week, and I am so happy for him.  Noelle starts senior year the following week, and has some big plans for after high school as well, and Gab is looking forward to having her baby, and relaxing at home with her two little ones, after the others go to school.  For me, I look to the Fall for some good times and changes as well--after all, if you aren't moving forward, you are moving backwards!

I should have my car back this week, and although I thought that would make all of the difference, it doesn't seem to.  I can't really think offhand any place I really need or want to go to, but I'm sure having a car will just make things more convenient.  I have some good plans for this Fall in terms of activities I want to pursue, and am excited at the prospect of changes of new things to come.

So, with that, here is a  little painting, done while Maddie chased butterflies in the field with Kitty Softpaws, the neighborhood cat.  Enjoy~

Passages

"Sheep on a rockwall"
8" x 10" oil on canvas, 2013

Maddie has been helping me out, but of course, I get very little rest while she is here, as she is a nonstop maelstrom of energy, and my 43 year old psyche finds it hard to keep up with.  I try to think back to when I was that age, a six year old, and tap into that inner child, but sometimes that little being is so far away, it's hard to break through the barriers that have been erected by decades of adulthood.  Still, I am like a moth to a flame--I can see echoes of my childhood reflected in her eyes, hear the faint laughter of long ago in her giggles, see my hints of who I am in her budding journey.

We go to the "ocean" everyday, which is the Little Schuylkill river, and she is enchanted with it.  We also go on long walks to the outskirts of town, and there we pick sites we find interesting to work in.  I'll admit, most of the time she just watches me intently, like she is attached to my body.  She was looking over my shoulder so closely yesterday, she lost balance and fell on top of me, LOL.  Of course, being a grouchy artist, I chastised her and told her to get back to her own work, haha.  She takes it all in stride.

Here is yesterday's painting:  "Sheep on the rock wall."  The animals and farms, especially on the edge of town, really fascinate her, and me as well.  I love how she is so appreciative and fascinated of life and all of its wonders, things that we adults become numb to, and no longer see or appreciate.  Having no car for the summer has really put things into perspective as well--what's truly important, and what is not.  Spending time with the ones you love, actually spending the time and not just passing it as you prepare to race to your next meaningless chore or task, is what I have gained.  I lost that insight from years of "convenience" and never having to wait on things.  Without a car, I have to wait on things, and it takes much longer to get to where you plan to if you are on foot, or waiting for your ride, and that gives me time to reflect, and to plan my outings better, so that I have more quality time.  So, it was a blessing inside of the "curse."

So, that's it for today.  Enjoy~

Rain and Fog

"Somber tree, happy flowers"
8" x 10" oil on canvas, 2013

The day started off foggy and somber, for Uncle Bob's festive birthday, but not one to be mastered by the weather, pavilions and tents were set up to keep the party-goers dry.  I am looking forward to attending, even if it is now later than I expected.

I saw this tree, with a field of cultivated flowers, and it was somber in the fog.  I wondered what was wrong with it, that all of the leaves had fallen away, leaving a spiderweb of delicate branches, not yet abused and broken by the elements.  The death must have been recent, as the tree once had thrived.  It reminded me of recent events, the fog, the unforeseen events, with the deceptively beautiful flowers all about, cultivated and controlled, but never really.  We only think we control things, but we know deep inside that is an illusion.

It put me in a pensive mood, so I painted a pensive sort of a picture, yet, it still has an element of laughter just ready to burst through the fog and mist, just beneath the surface, because all fog clears, all clouds lift, all rain goes away eventually, and the sun comes back, and life moves on.

Enjoy~

Days on the farm

"Chickens on the sunflower farm"
8" x 10" oil on canvas, 2013

I have been interested in the farms lately.  Actually, I'm always intensely interested in the farms, not just lately, but I have begun to enjoy painting farm life, whereas before I enjoyed the fruits of labor from the local farms, but never really found myself too deeply interested in that vocation.  I was always intrigued by rural living, as a person who was born and raised in New York City, so rural town living was always fascinating to me, but I never pursued past the town living into the farm areas, and there are so many nice farms around here.  So, I began to explore this idea went I would make my weekly visits to the local sustainable agricultural farms, and so I started doing some little studies there.

Tomorrow will be a fun time, with a hayride  for Maddie to enjoy, and lots of other kids at Uncle Bob's 80th birthday party, and I am looking forward to my little love coming back to assist me in my studio, and give me hugs as we watch movies every night.  She makes me very happy just having her with me, she cheers my heart.  She loves all of the things that we visit and do, as the world is still wondrous, new, and unconditionally beautiful to her six year old heart and mind.  Her happiness and curiosity fans the flames of my soul with tenderness and hope, so I am excited for her to be back with me again, because she gives me purpose and her happiness is contagious.

So, enjoy these fine summer days, and enjoy this little painting of the chickens on the sunflower farm.

Day to day

"Fennel and vinegar bottle"
8" x 10" oil on canvas, 2013

The dog days are here.  I have been feeling a bit cagey, and having all of my tech go kaput in unison hasn't helped.  My laptop has been acting kooky, my internet service through Verizon works when it feels like it, and every time it rains, my satellite decides it will go take a vacation.  Go figure!

In spite of that, and the nonstop chatter of my 6 year old studio assistant, I was able to get a painting finished, haha.  So, that's a feat in itself!

Enjoy :-)

Storms and reflections

"Storm over the wildflowers"
8" x 10" oil on canvas, 2013

The heat has been blistering, but I feel blessed to have an air conditioned studio for the first time in years!  For so long I would schedule working in my studio around the cooler parts of the day, or if I was in a time crunch, work through the heat, as if I lived in a tropical region, with the fans slowly and crookedly spinning overhead, flies buzzing my head because I had to keep the doors open to prevent the area from becoming an inferno...yes, I am blessed to have air conditioning now.  It may not be a very strong air conditioner, but it makes the studio 77 degrees versus 100 degrees.  Quite a difference!!

So, that means I can enjoy working at my leisure, and that is a wonderful feeling too.  The summer moves on, and these lazy days give me pause to reflect, not on the negative, but on the positive.  I feel assured that there are still wonderful things to come, and that gives me hope, happiness, and confidence to enjoy these days and the moments, as we move through this corridor of change. Change is uncomfortable, and sometimes downright painful and scary, but this continuing evolution is more quiet, more subtle.  That can either be more maddening or more frightening, but I choose to perceive it more as a respite, and a gift, an oasis in the turbulence that is life.

I am finishing up one last painting in my old series, and then, I will begin a new series, and I am looking forward to beginning that next week.  I feel confident this will also be the genesis of a powerful new part of my life.  That fills me with excitement, and gratitude for all I have experienced, both negative and positive.  Without the negative, there can be no appreciation or positive, like the development of a photograph.

So, with that, I will leave you with this little plein air painting, "Storm over the wildflowers."  It is appropriate for what I am feeling now, for where I feel I am at.  The storms come, yet they are beautiful even in their fearful power, as they water and nourish and foster the beauty of all they drench in their rains.  The wildflowers could never be so beautiful, lush, and fragrant if they were only exposed to sunny days, and that is the same with us.  All of the cool and warm greens, oranges, yellows and violets could never be so vibrant and captivating if the sun shone on them constantly, if there was never storms to cool their glorious colors, rainfall and wind to buffer and batter their stems and petals, making them stronger and more resilient, more majestic to behold...

A taste of Autumn

"Mums and a pumpkin"
oil on canvas, 8" x 10", 2013

Ah, a little taste of Autumn, my favorite season.  I enjoy all of the seasons, but there is just something about the fall that is irresistible to me.  The colors, the weather, the scent of it, and just the feel of the fall always exhilarated and invigorated me, and I definitely need some invigoration with this constant back pain.

So, while enjoying the summer, I also am looking forward to the beautiful weather of the Autumn. 

Isaac

"Isaac"
12" x 16" oil on canvas, 2013

I have finally completed Isaac's portrait.  It was hard to get it finished with Maddie around, because like all little kids, she can't sit still for more than a minute, and I really found it hard to concentrate.  It doesn't matter though now, since it's done.

Now, I will varnish it tomorrow, and then frame it.  It was a sad portrait to paint, but I'm glad to have done it.It helped me to work through some of the sadness and pain, and know that this painting will be something his Mother keeps close to her heart.

Happy Independence Day!

"Isaac" Day 3
12" x 16" oil on canvas

I'm about 3/4ths the way through this painting.  Now I will be adding highlights and deeper shadows, refining the transitions, and fine tuning little things.  I put the painting to dry, because I usually glaze and scumble a lot at this stage of the painting, and I need it to be dry. Of course, getting a photo indoors was next to impossible because my fill lights are in the basement (and I'm too lazy to haul them to my studio) and my tripod is in the car (and I'm too lazy to go out there and get it) but this was not too bad, enough for you to get the idea of where I'm at.  I really enjoyed doing this painting, I feel like I was able to let loose some of my pain and grief associated with his untimely death, in a most positive way.  I felt as if he was guiding me through the creative process, telling me what he "liked" and didn't like, etc.  It was actually very peaceful and comforting.

Well, today of course is the 4th of July, or for those who don't know, Independence Day.  I am looking forward to enjoying this day with some old friends, my family, a ton of little screeching kids, an awesome BBQ and of course, some fireworks.  Have fun all, stay safe and enjoy!

Work and rain

"Isaac" Day 2
12" x 16" oil on canvas

It's good to record my progress as I go along.  I usually am lazy about photoing my progress, but I decided to be a little more disciplined about it, and it helps me to make changes to the painting as I see it through "different eyes."  The old trick used to be to turn the painting to the wall for a few days, but when you don't have  a few days to take your leisure, this works as well.

I still get teary when I start painting this portrait, but after a little while, I kind of "commune" with him, and it's not sad, but a bit comforting.  I know he is in Heaven, so that helps, somewhat.  I figure a few hours a day for the next few days and the painting should be completed.  This weather is helpful, because I don't have to juggle going outside to do some landscapes, I can just concentrate on studio work.  Maybe I'll be finished in sooner than expected if I knuckle down, haha.  I have a 4th of July party to attend tomorrow so that will slow things up for a day at least.

So, I hope you all have a wonderful 4th of July, and stay safe!

Tenderness

"Isaac" start of portrait, 7/2/2013

I started working on Isaac's portrait today...posthumous paintings are always hard, both from a technical and emotional standpoint, especially this one, one of a person that was so young, one that was so close to us.  I knew this was going to be a heartbreaker, so I kind of avoided doing it, and I just knew, I can't avoid it any longer.

I cried the entire time I did the foundation of the painting.  How could this have happened?  The question that just never can be answered still reverberates in my mind.   He left so many heartbroken people behind.  Yes, he left as a "heartbreaker."  He would have felt  a little smug and proud to know so many women had their hearts broken, but not in a mean way, he was always a "ladies man," haha.  But, he was a little boy in his heart.  I wept as I draw the curve of his nose, exactly like Maddie's, the big eyes, just like all of his precious children.  The thought pains me so deeply of how with his sudden departure he left Gabby so lost, his Mother looking for him in every corner, every glimpse, every young man that walks by, Bronson asking "Where's Daddy?"

I know this painting will help me to work through some of the pain I have for his death, some, not all.  It is therapeutic for me, as I communicate with him through the process.  I hope the finished painting will bring joy to his Mom, and to the other loving family and friends that were devastated by his loss.

Cabin fever

"Yarrow and wildflowers by the stream" by Hilary J. England
oil on canvas, 8" x 10" 2013

I feel caged today, I'm not sure why.  I woke up and finished some more mundane stuff, and went to paint, but was rained out, so finished up at home, and for whatever reason, that irritated me.  No particular reason, just in general.  I must be PMSing or something, haha.

I've been feeling a little down in general for the last several days, just feeling frustrated like I'm not getting anywhere, just treading water.  I hate being in a "holding pattern," so that could be it...I always feel that if I'm not "catapulting" forward, I'm going backwards--I'm not the most patient person in the world, so most of my life lessons seem to deal with having to wait on things, and that makes me frustrated still, even after all of this time.  So, I'm just a crab apple for the last day or so.  It'll pass.

In the meantime, I hope you enjoy my little streamside painting of yarrow and wildflowers, which are some of the very beautiful gifts of Summer I look forward to every year.  Enjoy!

Flowers and happy days

"Lighthouse and flowers at dusk" by Hilary J England
oil on canvas, 8" x 10" 2013

This painting is was done from studies of a little lighthouse during our travels.  My husband loves lighthouses, and thinking of one of our trips to the beach, I decided to go ahead and do some transfers into oil.  This is the first one.  I had the darndest time trying to photograph it!  I may try again later or tomorrow.

So, tomorrow we go to Philadelphia in hopes of hearing a new game plan for him.  We are hoping the pancreatic cancer specialist has some hopeful interventions, and we are looking forward to spending the day together in Philadelphia afterwards, and having a nice meal and enjoying the day.

That's it for today, my back is still giving me fits, but there's not a whole lot I can do about it, so I pray, and go about my day.  I know it's got to get better soon, it's just hard waiting through the misery.  I just focus on happy things and happy times, like tomorrow!

Gray

"Study of tide pools and flowers on a foggy day" by Hilary J. England
oil on canvas panel, 8" x 10", 2013

Dreaming of the beach again!  Recalling the beauty of Cape Cod, and still missing it.  This painting was done in recollection of New England, based on watercolor sketches I had done there.  I had quite a few, and this particular one I really enjoyed, and thought the transfer to oil would be nice.  I might do a bigger in-studio landscape based on these, but I'm still considering yet, and am working on some commissions, so that idea will have to remain in the think-tank until I'm finished up in the next week or two.

Maddie went home yesterday, and I really feel quite lonely without her.  I didn't realize how sweet it is to have a little one around again, and how she is so adorable, working with me, soaking everything up like a little sponge, her innocent curiosity and joy.  It's such a wonderful gift, to have a child!  I can't wait until she comes back to stay with me again.

So, it's back to the usual for me.  I didn't realize how quiet things are until she went home, and now I decided to just get as much done as possible, to fill that void.  So, I have lots of plans for the next few weeks!

Until tomorrow, I hope you enjoy the little seascape!  :-)

Sweet days

"Path through the wildflowers" by Hilary J. England
oil on canvas panel, 8" x 10", 2013

I've had Maddie with me this last week, and what a treat that's been, even if she does tucker me out with her six year old's energy.  She loves to come paint with me, walk the dog, go swimming, blow her bubbles, and the world is still a beautiful place, even in spite of anything sad or bad.  What a wonder children are.  I sometimes forget we all started like that.

So, I'll keep it brief, since she is waiting for me, with her bubbles, and her coloring books!

Daydreaming

"Rocks and roses" by Hilary J. England
oil on canvas, 8" x 10" 

I was daydreaming back to the whales at Cape Cod, and the beaches of New England.  I long to be there, with every fiber of my being.  So, here is a little painting from then, and I can be a mental traveler until I get the opportunity to travel back to those shores.

I have been busy, trying to forget this pain.  It helps sometimes, but not at night.  Then, it becomes a battle to sleep, and I wake up cranky and exhausted.  I'm just glad school is done, so I don't feel that pressure as well. I look forward to this summer being a good one~

Summer days

"Precarious (cherries on a wing plate)" by Hilary J. England
8" x 10" oil on canvas panel

I've been very busy with Maddie, and that is very nice.  We've done all sorts of neat things, and I was even able to paint a little still life, as she painted her own, and ate up our all of our cherries/props.  Photographing it has been another story, since I did it in a rush, and I lost all of the midtones in the photo, but, I think you get the jist!!

So, now I'm off for another action packed adventure with Miss Maddie.  Enjoy!!

Clouds and silver linings

"Study of clouds and cherry blossoms" by Hilary J. England
Oil on canvas panel, 8" x 10" 2013

Well, tomorrow is graduation, I can't believe it!  I'm ready for it, and for this leg of my educational journey to be done.  Now, continue on....who knows?  Just not right now.  Maybe in a few months or so, after I catch my breath.

I have been very keen on the beautiful, vibrant colors of the foliage and flowers yesterday, particular clouds, their shadows, and their splendid range of infinite colors and shapes!  This little painting reflects that, and I very much enjoyed painting this one.  My neck and back are still not in very good condition, but I kept my head pretty level, and the clouds were just magnificent!

Enjoy!